Context is everything
Rudy is fluent in English. But he’s not a native speaker. What this means in reality is not that he doesn’t know the words, or indeed the phrases, but that sometimes the timing or context isn’t quite right. We’d finished our breakfast and, over a couple of cups of tea (me) and coffee (him) were trying to fight the lethargy to start the day. Rudy got up out of his chair, nodded his head towards the exit and said: “Come on, you miserable piece of sh*t”. It didn’t help – I couldn’t stand up for laughing.
Swype
Swype is an app that enables you to slide between letters on a soft keyboard rather than tapping each one. I wish I’d downloaded it earlier – maybe it would have saved my thumbs (and a lot of time). If I did this trip again, though, I’d bring a laptop.
RAOKs
Sorry chaps, there’s a definite gender split – whilst men and women are just as likely to scam you, RAOKs are much more likely to be committed by a female. So far the ratio is 6:1. Not statistically significant, I’ll grant you, but very noticeable at ground level.
Masks
Not only do Chinese often wear masks to protect against pollution, they are effective (apparently) at reducing dust inhalation when riding a scooter. People also wear them when they have a cold (or similar) to reduce transmission. What a good, and thoughtful, idea.
Portion size
In Asia, I’ll often be served a slightly smaller portion than the men I’m with. Not sure whether it’s deliberate or subconscious, but it’s quite noticeable, even though the difference is small. Sensible, but not exactly gender equal. Not a problem at the moment, but if I was doing all my usual exercise, it wouldn’t be welcome.
Diva cup
I really wanted to be able to report huge success. I really did. Because it could be an amazing solution. But I have to report mixed results. I can now tell when it’s in correctly, thus preventing messy situations, but I have yet to master the insertion technique. And my “no Caucasians, no fertility” theory remains unproven as I’ve been travelling with a Belgian man and normal service has a resumed. Verdict: inconclusive.
Bins in toilets
They don’t flush tissue. Even in Hong Kong. Sensible – apparently it’s a real problem when treating waste water. And our society’s “thicker, softer, stronger” trajectory isn’t helping. Everywhere here has a bin. Might adopt this approach upon my return to reduce the risk of a blockage and do my bit to assist.
The bum gun
It’s gone! Argh! It took a little while to get comfortable with it, but now it’s not there, I miss it. And, whilst we’re on the toilet subject (again), I’d just like to point out that squat toilets facilitate the whole process. If you know what I mean. For those that are able to get up afterwards. And get down in the first place (which, of course, everyone would be able to do if they’d done it since childhood). It took ages to get used to it, but I can now understand those notices I photographed early in my trip instructing people not to climb onto throne toilets – if it’s what you’ve always been used to, it’s the only way to go. Pun intended.